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Talking to your teenager about risky behavior

Aug 1, 2021

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As children grow into teenagers and young adults, it鈥檚 natural for them to take more risks. Sometimes, pushing the boundaries is harmless, like when your child chooses a new hobby or decides to run for class president. But some types of risks can have harmful consequences. As a caregiver, how can you help your teenager learn the difference?

Taking risks is part of growing up

鈥淒evelopmentally, adolescents want to define themselves as adults,鈥 notes Alexander Heard, MD, chief medical officer with 网曝门事件 Health and Rideout. 鈥淭hey purposely separate themselves from their parents and identify with their peers.鈥

In that context, a desire to take some risks is normal and expected. At the same time, you can empower teens by arming them with the information and tools they need to stay safe.

What are risky behaviors?

Although it鈥檚 natural for teens to be curious, it鈥檚 important that they understand what types of risks are dangerous, including:

  • Reckless or drunk driving
  • Alcohol, tobacco and illegal drug use
  • Sexual activity
  • Speaking with strangers online, sexting and other social media risks
  • Trespassing and vandalism

The parts of the brain that manage our impulse control don鈥檛 fully develop until around age 25. Because of this, teens are often more likely to act quickly without thinking through consequences.

But there are ways teenagers can have new experiences and find more independence in safe, healthy ways. If you have a child who is a natural thrill-seeker, you might encourage them to channel that energy into hobbies like indoor rock climbing or mountain biking. Teenagers might also feel a sense of independence or autonomy through safer experimentations, such as wearing different clothes or changing their hairstyle. You may not always like your teen鈥檚 risk-seeking, but a conversation about wearing ripped jeans is far preferable to a conversation about drug use.

Encouraging your teen to have open conversations

An open, trusting relationship with your teen can lower their risks of engaging in dangerous behaviors. Some statistics show that teens are less likely to behave in risky ways if they have at least one family meal a day. 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 have to have 鈥the talk,鈥欌 notes Dr. Heard. 鈥淵ou can have multiple talks.鈥

Establish clear, consistent and simple rules for your children. For example, you may have a rule that they don鈥檛 spend time at their peers鈥 houses without an adult present. Or, you may set up guidelines about how often they need to check in with you when they are hanging out with friends.

Staying connected to your child can significantly increase the chances that your child will handle high-risk or high-pressure situations well. And if your child does confide in you about a high-risk activity, such as alcohol use or dangerous driving, do your best to stay calm. 鈥淎 lot of times, those confessions are small tests,鈥 Dr. Heard points out. 鈥淭ry to listen without being overly reactionary.鈥 The more you and your teen share openly, the more you build trust.

Show unconditional love

Some research shows that young adults engage in the riskiest behaviors between the ages of 18 to 25. But often, young adults in that age range aren鈥檛 living at home. As a parent or caregiver, what can you do?

It鈥檚 important to communicate your values to your children鈥攂ut it鈥檚 just as important to model those values. 鈥淚t鈥檚 easy to fall into the trap of trying to do all your parenting by the time your child turns 17,鈥 Dr. Heard shares. But being a parent doesn鈥檛 end when your child turns 18. 鈥淗ave the conversations often and take the teachable moments when you can. Kids are listening even when you don鈥檛 think they are.

鈥淎s parents, we want to avoid all difficulty for our children,鈥 Dr. Heard says. 鈥淏ut that鈥檚 not realistic. Instead, we can ask, 鈥榳hat can my child learn from a difficult experience without being permanently scarred?鈥 Be involved, talk with your kids openly. And the most important thing 鈥 make sure they know they are unconditionally loved.鈥